Thursday, July 20, 2006

Where is the "Pause" Button?

Because really, I need to freeze time for about a week while I get better (I hope). No laundry, no cooking, no cleaning, no homeschooling, no trips to the grocery store.

Today my UTI turned into the bladder infection from hell. Even my trusty companion for the last few days, Pyridium, failed me. We couldn't make it to our park day celebration, and instead went back to the doctor's office. She prescribed Macrobid, despite a negative urine culture. I was annoyed, but have since read that it is possible that I went in too early, thus having my urine cultured before the bacteria had sufficiently colonized. We'll see.

In the meantime, I have to do my part. I have eaten far too many simple carbohydates lately, and not enough leafy greens. My protein intake is abysmal, which wouldn't be much of an issue if I was healthy. My hemoglobin is probably low. In addition to backing off on the leafy greens I haven't taken a multi-vitamin consistently for months. I haven't been supplementing calcium or magnesium.

To be fair, I do start most of my days with a fruit smoothie (O.J., mango chunks, banana, and flaxseed meal). We have some sort of raw vegetable or salad with most dinners. I drink water as my beverage 95% of the time. I eat avocados and raw nuts for the healthy fat they provide. I still cook whole grains, like brown rice and quinoa, at home. I make pinto beans at least twice a week.

There are so many reasons why I'm not taking good care of myself. It's been hot, so we don't walk as often or as far. We cut the grocery budget, so I stopped ordering those lovely boxes of produce from Diamond Organics. The boxes "forced" me to cook meals based around vegetables so I wouldn't waste anything. However, it was also a lot of work and really expensive! I started baking gluten-free snacks for the boys, and well, I have to try them too (and they are good, so I keep eating them!). Not supplementing? No good reason, except that when we were following the Eat to Live program I didn't feel like I needed to supplement. Looking back, I was probably using up my reserves of stored iron and my hemoglobin probably kept dropping until I started feeling the fatigue.

I have this problem where I seem to be able to keep some things humming, like homeschooling and laundry, or housekeeping and food preparation, but I haven't managed to keep all four balls in the air at once (how that for a mixed metaphor?). And then there is stress. I shouldn't be experiencing a lot of stress, but when I can't keep up with the house, even if it is because I am ill, I feel guilty and stressed. The disorder and chaos overwhelm me as well, creating physical stress.

I feel so guilty when my health is bad. Not only am I not the mother than I want to be (it is so hard to be patient and creative when you are fatigued and feel like you have to pee every 5 minutes), but I feel so bad that Papa has to pick up the slack. Of course, he is a human being with only 24 hours in the day, so he can't keep up with everything and that overwhelms me because I am that much farther behind.

At least today was a non-homeschooling today, and tomorrow we just have review our summary and write it down. Then I have Saturday and Sunday to either recuperate, or to start getting things back in order if I am feeling better. Next week is already planned, and it can be a light week if it needs to be.

1 comment:

Blissfulbee said...

Im so sorry to hear that you are still not feeling well. Maybe you need to slow down and give in to the need to rest for a bit. There is a pause button, unfortunately the chores dont pause, but they dont go anywhere either.

I hope you can get some rest this weekend and heal. It is sooooo hard to do what we do on a regular day while feeling good, it is almost impossible when we are sick or need to rest.

I would come and help you, but you are just too darn far away!!! :-)