Tuesday, August 15, 2006

What's Going On Now?

Time and time again I come to crisis. It is trial by fire and I emerge changed and seeking. Because of Enki, however, I know that wisdom and vitality are inherent within me. I do not need to look outside of myself, I need to look within, and I need to clear the clouds.

I am rather vulnerable right now, but oddly strong. The things that are important to me are clearly in focus. I embrace what I have and hold it dear, and I reach a place of acceptance about the losses in my life. There are things that I want, that I don't have right now, but what I do have is mine and it is good.

We're taking it really easy this week in terms of actual lessons. We're snuggling and reading, singing, riding our bikes, eating good food, and enjoying the weather that is more like April than August. We'll walk to the library tonight, and enjoy a big band concert.

Our brother-in-law and two of our nephews are leaving this weekend to live in Europe, so we are spending time with them and just soaking in who those boys are right now, for certainly they will be quite changed the next time we see them. We are finding it within ourselves to infuse the parting with joy and not sorrow. There is loss, but also growth and change.

I think our Enki will change as well. As I study the guides I find myself far more interested in the heart of the matter (essential energy) and not so much skills and methods. No more will I cram so that I can present lessons. We will finish this block and then take a long break. I will take my time planning, using the Enki web and essential energy as my guides, and not a list of skills a second grader should acquire. I will let go of being "behind" and just accept where we are. I want my children to live fully now, to experience their wisdom and vitality. I'm ready to paint, to sink into the color, and to stop trying to find the paint-by-numbers picture that is not there.

1 comment:

Blissfulbee said...

Hallelujah!!! Im with you on that! I love using the essential energy and the "heart of the matter" as our guide. It is after all why we are doing this. Everything else comes when we allow the ripple to flow out from a place of essential energy. It is much easier to work from the inside out than it is to work form the outside in.