Fall off the Horse, Get Back Up
I had a lovely birthday weekend. It started with breakfast at our favorite cafe followed by an hour of antique browsing. We lunched at home (well, the boys did ~ Papa and I were still full from breakfast) and made our way to an out-of-the-way bakery to buy gluten-free cake for J-Baby. Then Papa drove me to the outlets and I bought myself a smashingly gorgeous handbag. The picture doesn't do the color justice; it is a beautiful rose color. Later we went for dinner with my dad and had a nice visit.
Sunday my mother-in-law met us at the train museum for a day of railroad fun. We road the trolley, had a cab ride in the diesel locomotive, and rode the steam train into town to see the newly restored depot.
So Monday came, and I fell off the horse. I woke up late, spent too much time on the computer, and didn't do the daily chores. I made it out of the house for my massage, but came home and spent too much time on the computer again. I even used the computer after our evening walk, which I don't usually do.
Today hasn't been much better. I can't say that I've done much of anything other than keep the laundry going, bathe myself, and wait for the veterinarian to call.
That, I think, was the crux of my non-motivation: my Girl Dog is ill, and I had to wait until today to talk to the vet. We don't know conclusively what is wrong, and finding out is both prohibitively expensive and not likely to change the outcome. I was distracting myself with the computer because I was dreading the conversation with the vet, the one where I had to say that I don't have thousands of dollars to spend on diagnostic tests and exploratory surgeries for a dog who is nearly 12 years old. My job is to love her and to spare her pain, not to pursue medical science in order to prolong her life so that I can still have her here. For now she is happy. The vet agreed to try a drug trial for a few weeks and see if we can improve her symptoms based on a suspicion, but not certainty, of bladder tumors.
Now it is time to get back on the horse, to tidy our environment, eat good food, bask in the sunshine, and spend time in community with others. I need to find the deep pulse of rhythm and fall in with it.